


A Wolf by Half

by Cedar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Poetry, Slash, The Quidditch Pitch: The Changing Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-04
Updated: 2007-01-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 09:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10806678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cedar/pseuds/Cedar
Summary: The aftereffects of Greyback's attack are a source of pain and nightmares for Bill, and Remus is the only one who can help him regain his sense of normality.





	A Wolf by Half

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: I chose a poetry form for this fic, the sestina. Sestinas are poems structured around a set of six words. Each word is repeated at the end of a line in a specific pattern, and the last stanza of the poem consists of three lines, each with two of the six previously repeated words. Traditionally, sestinas are in iambic pentameter, but iambic pentameter doesn't always mix so well with fic deadlines. More information about the form can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sestina . Many thanks to Starrysummer for betaing and to Petronella (always!) and Olivia for listening. This fic was written for Merry Smutmas 2006 on a request from JenAdamson.  


* * *

  
_A Wolf by Half_  
(in a quintet of sestinas)  


  


I.  


Though Bill never became the full wolf  
like the others of his kind, the once kindly moon  
turned him primitive, stirred a hunger,  
a need to feel a pounding of blood,  
to run until he collapsed from the pain  
that only one other could understand.  


Fleur was his love but didn't understand:  
There was more than a craving for steak in the wolf.  
If he suppressed the cravings to maim and destroy, it caused him pain  
like none he'd ever experienced before Greyback's malignant moon,   
when his skin could barely contain his blood  
and he thought he would become his hunger.  


Remus said, "I know your hunger."  
Bill answered, "You don't just know. You understand  
what it is to feel betrayed by your own blood,  
to be a slave to the wolf,  
manipulated by the moon."  
Remus replied, "So now you realize; there are often things worse than the pain."  


Believing strength could triumph over pain,  
Bill watched the waxing moon,  
trying to stave off the hunger  
as if the tides could understand  
the wants and needs of half a wolf  
with too much human in his blood.  


Bill hated the sight of blood:  
its symbiosis with pain  
how it strengthened the wolf  
and deepened the hunger.  
A thousand years could never make him understand  
how anyone saw benevolence in the foul moon.  


On the blind night of the new moon  
Bill relished the quiet in his blood  
as he came to understand  
that with his newfound strengths would come pain  
and insatiable hunger:  
the nature of the wolf.  


Now the omnipresent moon, once fascinating, caused anguish and pain,   
a white-hot burn in his blood, and a hunger  
no one could understand but a wolf.  


  
II.   


Remus told Bill, "You are bound  
to feel like you carry a curse  
and now more than ever you need  
a guide, someone familiar  
who knows this life  
that you'd rather keep secret.  


But what is not a secret  
is how you and I are bound.  
You will have all your life  
these scars, half a curse  
and you will want what is familiar  
in your times of greatest need."  


Bill couldn't say that his greatest need  
was not to keep a secret  
but to make one fantasy familiar.  
He imagined himself exposed to Remus, hands bound,  
with the whispering of a salacious curse  
bringing him to life.  


With Remus's touch, Bill felt new life  
drawing him away from the thoughts he didn't need.  
When Remus restrained him, Bill could curse,  
struggling and erect, beads of sweat sealing their secret.  
His conscience was freed as his wrists were bound   
and their kisses changed from hesitant to familiar.  


Time passed and their routine became familiar,  
stealing naked, intimate moments of life  
from the duties to which they were bound.  
Remus's nearness morphed from desire to need  
and Bill sustained himself on their secret.  
On his hands and knees, he blessed their curse.  


Bill lived to hear Remus curse  
as he came, the tensions of his body familiar  
and his hidden scars no longer secret.  
Outside Remus's bedroom, the chaos of war overtook life  
but inside four walls and four bedposts, their need  
brought them peace, and to that they were bound.  


The curse brought Bill to this life:  
every month a familiar surge of need  
for Remus, his secret, and for their meetings, in secrecy bound.  


  
III.   


Winter progressed, the nights starry and clear.  
Bill's February meetings with Remus were always icy cold,  
but warmed by tea and blankets and  
each other, teeth on lips, hands entwined, Remus inside  
Bill, who in his life before had never felt so bare,   
so sure, underneath Remus, his bones like water.  


On a false spring day, they met by the water,  
their intentions, if not their future, clear.  
Within moments, they were bare,  
ignoring the sea wind's cold,  
their heat rising from inside,  
Bill taking Remus's cock in his mouth and  


Remus arching back, leaning on his wrists, and  
sand pouring through his fingers like water.  
"I want...inside..."  
Without more words, his need was clear.  
Bill turned towards the ocean, knelt, his hair loose in the cold,  
and Remus entered him, breath like steam, desire bare.  


Slowly, with his neck bare  
Bill leaned back, exposing himself to Remus's teeth and  
wishing for pain, distraction against the cold.  
As Remus bit him, the sound of sea water  
steel blue and clear  
calmed the wolf inside.  


As Remus came inside  
Bill was stripped bare  
of everything but the clear  
whisper of Remus's breath and  
his tongue trailing smooth as water  
over the marks from his teeth, red in the cold.  


At home, sheltered from the cold  
Bill shivered inside  
as he held a cup of boiling water  
wanting again to be bare,  
exposed naked to Remus and  
giving all of himself, his body exposed and his mind clear.  


Sitting in front of cold embers, his feet bare  
Bill meditated on the memory of Remus inside him and  
envisioned miles of water: flat, sparkling, and clear.  


  
IV.   


Memories of Greyback turned to nightmares, and Bill couldn't awaken.  
"I think," said Remus, "if you gave  
everything you are over to your wolf and learned to release   
your fears and inhibitions, perhaps you could find trust  
in a moment of shame  
and reach a place where you can breathe."  


And so Bill knelt, naked, not daring to breathe,  
trembling with hope, allowing Remus to awaken  
him from his constant, paralyzing shame.  
With every fiery turn of the whip Remus gave,  
Bill had to tell himself to trust  
the one who could lead him to release.  


Tightening his muscles, resisting release  
Bill forgot to breathe  
as he allowed Remus to bind him, blindfold him, a show of trust  
which he hoped would awaken  
the part of him that, so long ago, he gave  
over to Greyback's wretched gift of shame.  


"Beg for it," whispered Remus as Bill lowered his head in shame.  
"Show me how much you need this release."  
With Remus's hands under his chin, Bill gave  
the last of his humility for a chance to breathe.  
The taste of Remus's seed began to awaken  
a new, raw strength, a dawn of hope and trust.  


Skin burning, shoulders aching, Bill came to trust  
the fresh determination born from his shame.  
In relinquishing control to Remus, Bill felt awaken  
an ability to harness his wolf, to release  
the creature that wouldn't let him breathe  
and to call it back with the fortitude Remus gave.  


The sting of Remus's fingertips along the whip marks gave  
Bill the inclination to twist away, but he had to trust  
that Remus alone would always allow him to breathe.  
At the end of his exhalation, the shame  
became an acknowledgement, a release  
that allowed him not to fight the wolf, but to let it slowly awaken.  


Once Bill gave in to shame  
he found trust in his release.  
He could breathe now, and begin to awaken.  


  
V.   


They raged against the dying of the light  
as the nights began later in the spring  
holding each other close  
Bill weak from orgasms and magic  
drifting towards sleep as he watched Remus lie  
stretched on his side, wishing this would never end.  


The war, Bill speculated, might never end,  
an endless battle between dark and light  
but tonight, at least, he could lie  
in the fresh drafts that signaled spring  
and enjoy these moments of magic  
as their time drew to a close.  


Remus pulled him close  
promising this wouldn't be the end  
of the scent of skin and bonds of magic  
with their scars shimmering in a candle's light,  
a new strength ready to spring  
from security they knew was a lie.  


Bill said, "Tell me a lie.  
"Tell me you'll always be this close  
and that Greyback won't see another spring."  
Remus laughed. "His time may not be at an end  
but I have faith in the light  
and its source of magic."  


The heat in Bill's skin when Remus touched him was magic  
and he forced himself to lie  
relaxed and light  
against warm sheets, with Remus close  
tying him end to end,  
every one of Bill's muscles tight as a spring.  


Arching his back like a stretched spring   
Bill turned himself over to Remus's magic,  
and together they came, sharing their lust in a simultaneous end.  
And after, Bill could only lie,  
his heart pounding, breath shallow. With Remus close  
he felt separated from his worries, effervescent and light.  


That spring, Bill told lie after lie  
about the effects of Greyback's magic, holding his secrets close,   
at the end, with Remus, in the fading light.  



End file.
